Our Bump In The Road – Part One

September 16, 2018

I’ll never forget the day we bought Brewster. It was June 28th, 2018 and we were still naive and blind to what we had really gotten ourselves into. It was an amazing deal laced with excitement, anxiety and nerves all bundled in one beautiful package that led us to sign the contract. We were really doing this.  We both believed we had what it took; but were we willing to risk it all. By all, I mean our savings, borrowed money from investors and all of the unexpected surprises along the way. These are the things that keep most people from committing to something like this.  But Ben and I decided, if we were going to do this, now would be the time. Because, we weren’t that busy. Little did we know…

Fast forward the clock to one week later.  We were on the highest mountain. Literally, kitchen was ordered and on it’s way, the exterior landscaping had been done and we were lining up trades to wrap this project within eight weeks. And then it happened.

I became exhausted. {Please tell me you can relate.}

It was as if my body was being taken over by a foreign object and was depleting me of everything I had. Little did I know, it was. I felt sick. I thought I was going to pass out in an office – And I’m thinking, this is not what additional evening commitments should do to me! We’re always busy… It’s just our new “busy” was slightly more stressful and really dirty. And then it hit me, I think I’m pregnant. Ben is going to flip out.

At the time, I didn’t want to believe it… That next week went by, and the girls in the front at my offices would greet me and say, “Miss! How are ya?” And I would joke around say, “Seriously, I’m exhausted. Like beyond exhausted…” And then I would non-chalantly throw in the idea that I must be pregnant..  {Between you and I, I didn’t want to take the test.}  Because, I knew if I was, I wouldn’t be able to go over to the house to help Ben and I knew a big change in our lives would have to happen soon. I couldn’t keep going at this speed. I felt stuck. I was at a perfect “Pre-Pregnant Full Throttle.” But while being pregnant, I was just a hot mess that was soon to be overwhelmed, overworked and was destined for burn out. My new reality: I was gong to be working a full time job, flipping a house, managing morning sickness, making room for a new nursery and wrapping up three design projects on the side, ASAP. Oh, and be an awesome wife and mom.  Simply put, I was scared. This was going to be crazy!!

Nearly one week later, I took the test. Funny thing is… I didn’t tell Ben. The not so funny thing is that I clearly became distracted by the girls; and while taking the test and left ALL of the evidence upstairs. Ten minutes later, I slowly walked into that bathroom and saw the faintest blue line that would indicate we were pregnant. I knew it. Everything else faded away… In that moment, I became so excited. Nothing else really mattered. Because, this truly was a surprise. We didn’t plan this one. It just simply happened. And, I knew this was God’s plan and I was all for it.

Later that night after Ben returned from working on the house, I was making dinner for the kids and he headed upstairs to hop in the shower.  And then I heard it… Shoot! It was that nervous, anxious tone in his voice that resembles a… ‘what is happening right now??’ tone I knew too well.  {The last time that happened was when I accidentally gave a few lending companies his phone number to refinance our house. That next hour, he got blown up by at least four or five companies trying to offer competitive rates.}  Oops. Busted. Never again.

My heart skipped a beat. I totally forgot to hide the evidence….

Holding the box in his hand he says, “What’s this?!”

“Ummm.. yeah, that’s a pregnancy test.”

“I know what it is. Did you take it? You think you’re pregnant?…”

Now, let me just break down something quick. Ninety five percent of the time, Ben is cool, calm, collected and got the next five steps planned out for any scenario.  But he clearly didn’t see this one coming. I call it the Asbury effect. They must have a plan.  And we must stick to it.  We stay to the right and we never veer to the left. This is the rule for a zoos, museums, outlet malls we explore, you name it. And since we’ve been married for ten years and counting, he’s much better at rolling with the punches; in part, because I’m always throwing crazy ideas his way and he’s learned to roll with it. This was definitely not one of those times.  He was completely blindsided.

I looked at him with that I’m so sorry I forgot to tell you look… “Correction… We’re totally pregnant.”

“No way! How is this possible? Let me see that test.”

I couldn’t believe it. He was totally pulling a George Banks on me… Like, ‘Nina Dickerson!! Who is the father?’ C’mon, ya’ll know know you’ve seen Father of the Bride Part 2. This was totally Ben Asbury without the bad hair dye job and I was Nina Dickerson. I clearly knew how this happened; but apparently to Ben, his mind went blank.

“Missy… That is the faintest blue line! That’s not positive.” {Truth, it was a super faint line… But nonetheless, it was A LINE.}

“Ben, it’s TOTALLY positive. It’s a blue line.” Pointing to the box… “See, blue line equals pregnant.”

“I don’t know.. You need to take this again.”

Can we just take a timeout for a second. I knew I had to be patient with Ben.. He was taking in what I had suspected to be true for an entire week.  And then, finally worked up the nerve to take a test. And this was all hitting him in the matter of 60 seconds. I had to remember who I was dealing with – Mr. King of the Calculated Plan with a Masters in Deconstructing Chaos. It was in his genes. Dealing with unforeseen situations within our circle of trust, we’re still working on it. And, always will be.

“Okay, I’ll take another test tomorrow morning.  But I promise you, it’s positive. Please tell me you’re excited…”

“Of course I’m excited!…  I’m just surprised. But, I still think you need to take another test to be sure.” Holding the test a little closer this time.. “Yep, that’s a blue line..” And, a few seconds later he surprises me by saying,  “Yay!! Another little girl!”

“We don’t know if it’s another little girl! Ben, seriously…”

“Missy, if we’re pregnant again, I’m having three girls. It’s okay! I’m excited.  I was always been told I had a little extra estrogen by the girls I coached on my soccer team… So we’ll just have to wait and see. Won’t we?”  I could tell that comment was laced with sarcasm but held a little truth.  And regardless of the gender, I knew he’d be thankful.

This was Ben’s standard coping mechanism.  From denial to acceptance in a matter of 60 seconds all while bringing a little light to the situation.  And that’s why I loved him. This is Benny Asbury.

And so the next morning… Yep, SUPERman blue.  This was really happening and now, I was really excited. Because this was part of God’s plan. Not ours. And that’s what makes this story even sweeter.

Fast forward again, those next few weeks were rough; but I was thankful. We were going to make it through this.  Even though I helped Ben as much as I could, it never felt like enough.  In my heart of hearts, I’m a helper. I love to serve and I wanted to help take any burdens off his plate.  I haven’t always been wired this way, but since the birth of our first daughter, it gave me a whole new perspective of being on a team.  And Ben and I were the best. But, on that ‘hotter than moses’ day in July, as I was holding a sixteen footer of shiplap over my head with insulation falling in my face, I’m like, this is insane.  That was the day I drew the line in the sand. Nothing was worth risking the health of our baby. And that was my sign. I had to chill out and let him take the reigns. That was my moment. I had to trust God to lead Ben to take it from here and let the rest of the dust settle where it was meant to be.

And, the dust settled for sure…  With another big bump in the road. At times, it felt bigger than the baby… Because the road blocks just kept coming. One after another. Just when we thought we had crossed a hurdle, we were stopped in our tracks again.

Confession. Please tell me I’m not alone in this and you’ve been there in the midst of the crazy.  I’m sure we’ve all been in situations where we’ve thought, I can’t take another thing happening in my life. It’s going to seriously throw me over the edge. That’s where I’ve been this past month. But it’s in those moments, I press into my faith and my God even more. I convinced this is why He takes me here. Let me be the first to tell you, it hasn’t always been this way. I used to bury my frustrations in frozen yogurt with gummies, The Bachelor, The Kardashians and wait for it… the ones I love. I know. Absolutely awful!! But really, I’m just human. And these days, I can’t help but feel the life He has planned for Ben and I yields a purpose bigger than we’re currently living. I’m sure our story will eventually take us there; but in the meantime, I’m committed to learning and growing in the valleys and getting up stronger to tackle the next day.

Next week, I’ll share part two of our journey.  If you’ve made it this far, sincerely, thank you. We’re so grateful for all of our friends, my mom and Ben’s mom who have encouraged us this past month. It’s the positive word warriors that propel us forward to pass it on.  To give, more than we receive.  And, to have hope that this too shall pass. If you know Ben, you know this isn’t just talk – it’s true.  And you are who you hang with, so do the math. 😉  I hope you’ll join us to get the scoop on our house going under contract before listing, watching a deal slip right through the cracks in front of us and the many lessons we learned along the way.  {Note, this may be an awesome little except for anyone who’s looking to flip. Because there’s always a lesson waiting to be learned.} They always say, you don’t pay for an education in flipping; but one way or another, you’ll pay. You just pray you don’t lose in the meantime. And, I’m still saying that prayer today.


Melissa  <3

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