Worth The Wait.

July 8, 2017

Confession: I never expected to take a two week hiatus from our site. I certainly didn’t expect to have a three hour emergency root canal last week. And, I absolutely didn’t expect {would’ve bet every one of my 126 jars of strawberry jam} to get a phone call from my dad asking to visit us in our home for the first time here in Indianapolis, ever. It’s been a decade. Or pretty darn close to it.  And as I’m writing, I wonder if he even knows about this site. I’m pretty sure the answer is no. Truth be told, the last heartfelt interaction was when he walked me down the isle ten years ago. The next most meaningful, three days ago. It was finally time.

I checked all of my expectations at the door. There was a reason this took ten years. And if I were to be completely honest, if this were to have happened a few years ago, I wouldn’t have been ready. It would have still been about me. And I would have been disappointed that he didn’t meet my needs. When honestly, that was never his job. That was the one I gave him. Growing up, I expected others to fill my cup; now, it was overflowing with God’s grace. I am enough. With all this time, I finally figured out how to fill in the cracks of my foundation with the things that mattered most…. But what about the good stuff. Would it come up? It’s that little voice in the back of my mind that I’ve gotten good at drowning out. Would we even make mention of the white space in-between?  He had never met his grandchildren. He had no idea of this side hustle that was inspired by him. He had no idea of what he had missed out on. Don’t forget about all of the moments that were meant to be celebrated, just slipped through the cracks…

The answer is, no. Because truthfully, the negative noise doesn’t deserve one additional ounce of attention in my book. And I’m the author of the new chapter. Today, my foundation is solid. My faith is in God. And I’m who I’m supposed to be because of the cracks in my foundation that were healed the right way – not with artificial fillers. Okay, true story. I may have tried to heal with two combo meals at Chick fil-A that was absolutely for a friend and I. Identifying myself in my job instead of who I was, my passions. Been there. Done that. Discontentment with who I was by drowning myself in a gummy sugar coma. Seriously. I had a freakin’ forest at my fingertips… Blue sharks, sour bears, green frogs, glow worms, watermelons and even sugar covered strawberries. I was a hot mess and I had sugar all up in my console to prove it. Everything I had invested in, were fleeting. That was my jam. I was knuckle deep in everything in the world I thought would make me whole.

Until my husband uttered these five little words that changed it all for me. And thats when he said, “I can’t be your everything.” And that was it. I was completely blind to the fact that I was putting these same expectations on him. Newsflash. To all those that are getting married or are in a serious relationship. Your other half won’t ever make you complete. They should never be your everything. You, my friend, are complete just the way you are. Your other half should and will compliment all of that amazing beautiful that you’ve been equipped with to walk this earth. Do you hear me?  And just like that, he did it. He broke me down just enough that I had to rebuild my foundation from the ground up with God as my anchor.  These words awakened the person I was always meant to be.  I was already enough – but he had to peel back the layers so that I could really dig deep to find out who I was. I know. I know. Are we ever going to get to design?? That’s why we’re all here. But this is good, right?  I’m getting there – Here we go.  Here are three things I’ve had to re-learn in these past few weeks that have healed our home into the space it’s meant to be.

Tip Number One:

  • Build A Firm Foundation. People, if you’re not happy in your home. No paint, throw pillows, fancy lamp or automated lighting/surround sound speaker is going to do the trick.  Focus on the parts of your home that aren’t so sexy.  Your foundation.  And once you think you have it fixed.  Keep filling in those cracks; because water and what the world says is “right” will always try to work it’s way in.  And if you’re drowning me out, read this again.  Because one day, when you think you have it all together, you’ll need to hear this again.

 

Tip Number Two: 

Connect With Someone You Love. You know that person. And if you’ve made it this far in this post, this was probably written for you.  Please know, these words mean nothing, if there’s no action.  We have to remember, real life happens in the white space. Is that why white walls feel so empty? Maybe. Regardless, there’s something so powerful that happens when we connect. Walls fall down and barriers are removed.  And I swear, endorphins have to be released.  There’s some real science behind this thing called love and connectedness. And if I had the energy, I would look it up.  For all you fitness fanatics out there, you know this is true. Take the step and accept the invitation like I did.  You’ll be happier because of it. I promise.

Tip Number Three:

Stop Setting Expectations for Others.  This one’s hard.  And I personally struggle with this.  But guess what?  You and me, we’re human.  Which means, we’re not perfect.  Which means, we’re going to let someone down so we have to give grace when we’re the ugly end, the recipients.  It’s not lowering the bar – it’s called reality.  Hands down.  I’m going to have high expectations for my kiddos (within reason).  And I have high expectations for my husband.  We’ve talked about this.  They’re in my circle and we understand these expectations are for one another.  It’s been agreed upon and they’re reasonable.  But when it comes to expectations of siblings, friends, co-workers and even parents, I’m sorry to say, but they’re going to disappoint us.  Because guess what, our happiness can’t be dependent upon another.  It has to be within ourselves.  So we must stop and re-correct.

As I begin to reel this in, I have to say, in my heart of hearts, I had planned to write about designing that stellar outdoor space we’re all dying to have this season.  But this, was more important.  Because it could save someone’s relationship.  It could just push them over the edge to saying yes to an invitation they’ve been fighting way too long.  Enough is enough. When will it end? My dad was just doing what every single one of us in this life does, his best. And sometimes it’s good enough.  For others, it’s not. I had to check my expectations of others at the door because the only expectations that really matter in this world, are my own.  It can never be found in another person; because hear me loud and clear, they will always, always, always disappoint you. If this is news to you, this may be the greatest piece of advice anyone can ever offer. Because it’s so true.  As soon as we stop storing up our treasures in people, ever-changing relationships or unrealistic expectations our eyes will be opened to what really matters.  Life happens in the white space between and we’ll never get that back. And, it was with that, that I knew these two hour were going to be amazing.  We didn’t rekindle the past – because at this point, we know.  We both know we missed out.  And that was enough to make these moments, worth every minute.

I’m so glad you stuck with me on this one. I am giving you a big hug and a sincere, thank you. Have a comment to share? I’d love to hear your inspiring thoughts below. Because you never, ever know who may be reading and could be inspired by you.

Stay Addicted,

Melissa

Add a Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

x close

  1. Jessica

    July 8th, 2017 at 2:42 am

    Well said Missy. I needed to hear that. 👏

  2. AsburyDesignHouse

    July 8th, 2017 at 2:52 am

    Thanks Jess. We all need a little of this in our life. I hope it encourages you to do a little something for someone you love too. Xxx’s

  3. Alison

    July 8th, 2017 at 11:56 am

    You did a great job of putting this into words. It is so true!!

  4. AsburyDesignHouse

    July 15th, 2017 at 8:42 pm

    Thanks Alison 🙂 Really appreciate you!

  5. Kate

    July 8th, 2017 at 1:27 pm

    Bravo, Missy! You are wise beyond your years. This is all so true and so relatable on many levels. Thank you for these reminders to help us all keep things in perspective. May God continue to bless you and your family on this adventure called life, and may He keep you close to His heart and in His peace always. Love & prayers, cousin!

  6. AsburyDesignHouse

    July 15th, 2017 at 8:44 pm

    Thanks Kate! Really appreciate you writing these words. I love what you wrote – keep you in His peace, always. No one said it would be easy; but it always will be worth it. Love to you!

  7. Ana A. Snider

    July 9th, 2017 at 2:01 am

    I love how God is designing your heart. Thank you for sharing it with us! My heart is so happy to hear of this visit!!

  8. AsburyDesignHouse

    July 15th, 2017 at 8:45 pm

    Thanks Ana! Your amazing, inspiring and life changing coaching helped me get here. Dream big. You’re made to reach the moon. If you want it. 😉

  9. Kristin

    July 9th, 2017 at 11:46 pm

    Giving you a hug right back, Missy. Thank you for sharing your heart and wisdom born from the pain and hurt in your own life. I’m praying for the same grace and growth in areas of my own heart where pain and hopelessness have tried to take over.

  10. AsburyDesignHouse

    July 16th, 2017 at 1:49 am

    Absolutely Kris. There are so many moments that I gave into that same feeling. Accountability here in this place is such a beautiful thing! It makes life so much richer to know that we aren’t going through this alone. Love your heart. 🙂

  11. Jodi

    July 20th, 2017 at 9:11 pm

    Another example of your ability to impact people. “Home is where the heart is,” just had a Missy makeover. Fantastic!

  12. AsburyDesignHouse

    July 21st, 2017 at 1:10 am

    You’re so sweet. Thanks Jode! Great to connect with you today. Big Xxxx’s